Clarence Claymore

"Ohhh those negative emotions are hurting me nervous system"

-Clarence

Clarence
Gender	Male
Hair	None (Formerly Black)
Place of Birth	Kingdom Cum
Occupation	Former Scientist for Kingdom Cum Mailman; Donny’s Shitkicker
Family	None
First Appearance	"Norton's Revenge "
Status	Alive
Series lifespan	"Norton's Revenge " to current episode

Clarence, previously known as Doctor. C, is one of the main characters of the Big Lez Show.

He currently works as a mailman and store clerk at Donny's Shop. He is said to have no friends (with the exception of Sergio Warnington). The others rarely pay attention to him, and usually only tell him to be shut up, or to fuck off as they find him annoying. Clarence also appears in the Mike Nolan Show, set before the events in the Big Lez Show.

A descendent from Kingdom Cum, Clarence was a highly revered scientist in his past life, earning the respect and admiration of his co-workers. Multiple parties were thrown in his honour, and was thought to be attractive by his female co-worker Betty. His work as a scientist earned him the Nobel Prize on Kingdom Cum for inventing the Warp Drive, and was also awarded Employee of the Decade. Clarence seems to look up to Nikola Tesla as his hero .

Clarence was working on a mysterious yellow formula on Kingdom Cum, the final ingredient of which was his own DNA. However, once he added his DNA, the formula caused him to mutate. His co-workers, as a result of his new appearance, eject him in a escape pod, sending him through the cosmos until he drifted onto Earth. He eventually landed on Choomah Island, where, after breaking his wrist, he discovered he has a healing ability.

Life

Clarence was once a brilliant Kingdom Cumian scientist who everyone looked up to. He is portrayed as a man who is very devoted to his research and as such does not pay attention to the amount of respect his co-workers have for him, outright denying Betty's request to 'have lunch' with him sometime and looking very uncomfortable when he attends the staff party thrown for him. Shortly after this, an accident in his lab mutated him, causing everyone to vomit and scream in horror at his new appearance. They then banish him from Kingdom Cum in a spacepod along with his research (a vial of yellow substance), After eight years of floating in space ,Clarence crash landed on a island that would later become Choomah Island. While trying to find water Clarence then trips on a tree root, sending the vial of liquid down a massive hole and shattering. This results in the creation of the Choomah. Clarence then runs into Sassy and Donny playing chess. They then take him back to brown town to give him a steady job and to help him get back on his feet. Donny says he will 'order parts for him so he can continue his research' but this is never shown in the show.

Season 1

Clarence is shown to have undergone changes mentally as well as physically; he is now a humble, gentle man who does anything he can to help his 'friends' and anyone in need. Clarence is however looked down upon by Brown Town's society. Clarence first appears delivering Lez's mail when he puts his hand in Lez's mailbox and his hand comes out brown and covered in shit (Norton had just taken a crap in Lez's mailbox). Clarence then knocks on Lez's door, the first time Lez slams the door in his face. clarecne tries a second time and Lez reluctantly listens to him and Clarence informs him of the shit in his mailbox, Lex then curses and swears revenge on Norton. Clarence asks who Norton is, Lez then tells Clarence to fuck off. Clarence owns a small boat which he uses to travel around in. He uses it to find Lez, Sassy, Donny and Nolzey on Choomah Island. After they steal his boat, he is left on the island. Afterwards, his fate is unknown and he is presumed dead. FUCK YOU CUT

Season 2

Clarence somehow winded up in prison saying he got 'just got thrown in" and escaped with Lez, Sassy, Scruffy, Wayn-O, Owly and Sergio to go to the Volcano Bong where Lez's spaceship is. Clarence asks if he could come with Lez on his voyage which Lez rudely declines. After Lez left for Kingdom Cum, Clarence heads off with Sergio, Wayn-O, Scruffy and Owly to protect the city. Clarence then observes the Battle of Brown Town from a distance by saying "oh look at all the action, oh there's so much action, oh look at that action" while observing Wayn-O, Scruffy, Donny and Sergio killing a pack of Choomahs to rescue Warning Guy. He then makes an attempt of luring the Choomahs to him, but they all eventually are rescued by Nolzey.

Season 3

When Clarence is running his daily mail run one morning, Sassy picks him up and puts him in his Gamma Ray Satellite dish, resulting in Clarence's nose to bleed. Clarence's charitable intentions are painfully quashed when Sassy rolls a joint with his one-hundred-quadrillion-dollar winning scratchie, robbing the orphans (o'phans) and other secular charities of the donations they desperately need.

When Quinton finds the Sasquatches and Owly inside his home, they say they are waiting for Lez who is talking with Clarence. Clarence reveals to Lez they must go back to Choomah Island and destroy the nest. Telling Clarence he'll 'think about it' and to "get the fuck off my lawn", Lez leaves him. After Lez speaks with the others, Lez then informs Clarence that they're all keen to go. Clarence reveals his origins to Lez: he was a scientist on Kingdom Cum when an accident deformed him. He also reveals that he created the Choomahs and Choomah Island. Lez then says to Clarence to meet him at his house at 06:00 hours tomorrow. Donny then appears and tells Clarence to do some jobs at his shop such as vacuuming the carpet and taking out the bins.

Choomah Island 2

Clarence accompanies the gang to Choomah Island, to lead them to the hive. Clarence doesn't make much of an appearance (mainly because Lez doesn't let him) until the final battle of Choomah Island. After battling Choomahs, Clarence and the gang are rescued by a chopper piloted by Daednu. Clarence then tells him to take them to the Choomah hive. Sassy gives him a SasM8 to destroy the hive, and before Clarence can throw it down he is attacked by a Choomah and grabs his leg but Clarence manages to grab hold of the helicopters leg and hold on. Sassy then tries to help him and Clarence manages to clutch Sassy's hand with one finger but due to his brittle fingers his finger snaps off and he is dragged into the hive. Soon after, it's revealed that Choomah Island is actually a massive Choomah. Whilst the rest of the gang fight the remaining Choomahs, Clarence discovers the heart. Before he can blow it up he is attacked by a Choomah. Injured, Clarence decides to sacrifice himself to destroy the Choomahs. Clarence sets off the SasM8, destroying the hive and the Choomah army for good. However, it is widely believed that Clarence is alive, due to his ability to heal himself from extreme injuries. In the 5th episode of The Mike Nolan Show, he survives numerous gun shots and wounds. This is all proof that Clarence is alive and will return once more in Season 4.

Season 4

Mike Nolan mentions to Lez that due to Clarence's apparent death, he now has to do his mailman duties as well as being a tradie, causing both of them to agree that Clarence is 'a cunt for dying'.

In the 3rd episode, VINALLY, Lez returns to Brown Town from the SSS BBQ (Secret Sasquatch Society), under a disguise given to him by the Devil with the intention of saving his son, Quinton. After narrowly evading Officer Hawthorn, he sneaks round the back of Donny's Shop and takes a few fistfuls of marijuana leaves before noticing a large weed. Pulling it out of the ground, he is shocked when he sees that the plant is part of a hand and arm in the ground. Lez watches in disgust and bewilderment as an unclothed green figure rises out of the hole; Clarence. Clarence is relieved that Lez has 'vinally' pulled him out and that it's a 'releaf', clearly trying to make a joke, but Lez is furious to find out that Clarence is back and threatens him with his gun. However, Lez spares Clarence considering he needs as many bullets as he can to rescue Quinton, Clarence will just heal anyway, and that he needs Clarence to cause a diversion for the police so Lez can get to his house safely. Clarence tries to explain how he survived, but Lez just gives up and begins to climb over the fence, shooting Clarence when he thanks him for pulling him out of the ground.